Heartbeat
by fuckmefabray
Summary: When Rachel Berry dies unexpectedly in a car related accident, everybody mourns. However, there's one girl who mourns a little more than everybody else.


I got the inspiration for this story from what is without a doubt one of the best Glee fanfics out there, that I have read so many times I've lost count, _Color_ by EverShadow. I'm 99% sure that everybody in the Glee fandom, or at least the Brittana fandom, that reads fanfiction has read it — and if you haven't, then you really need to.

I want you all to know that this story isn't just going to be a rip-off of _Color_, and I'm just using the idea of a character death and her significant other trying to move on. As the story progresses, if anybody does however feel that it is too similar to _Color_, and wishes that I discontinue the story and take it down, then I will right away. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Rated M for future chapters.

* * *

Dressed in black from head to toe, Rachel stood in front of the full length mirror nailed onto her bedroom wall and took in her reflection with a sad, teary-eyed smile, straightening out the skirt of her dress. Her eyes were watering, but she didn't want to cry again yet.

LeRoy, one of Rachel's two dads, had died of kidney cancer in the hospital five days prior to now, and this morning was the funeral. Over the past five days, Rachel had become a recluse in her bedroom. She stopped talking to her friends, and said only a minimal number of words to her remaining father, Hiram. She'd even stopped talking to her girlfriend of almost fourteen months, Quinn as much. Since LeRoy's death, Rachel had sent only two texts to Quinn a day, had only answered two phone calls from her, and had spoken to her in person only once, and that was in the hospital right after LeRoy had slipped away.

Today, Rachel had requested that Quinn met her at the church rather than at her house, because she felt it was important for her to drive to the funeral with Hiram, LeRoy's parents, Hiram's parents, LeRoy's sister and Hiram's brother. Hiram had arranged for an eight-seater taxi to pick the eight of them up from his house and drive them to the funeral.

Both sets of Rachel's grandparents, her aunt and her uncle had been in the house for over two hours now, but Rachel still had not yet built up the courage to go downstairs and come face-to-face with them.

There was a knock on Rachel's bedroom door, and she turned around.

"Rachel?" Hiram's voice called from the other side of the door. "It's me."

Dabbing repetitively underneath her eyes at a fallen tear, Rachel quietly granted her now only parent entry into the room, "Come in."

Hiram pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing it behind him again. "The taxi's going to be here in fifteen minutes, so I think you'd better come downstairs."

"Can't I just come down in fourteen minutes, right before it gets here?" Rachel asked, hopefully.

Her father shook his head sadly. "Don't you want to talk to at least Grandma Leslie and Grandpa Ron, if not everybody else downstairs?" Leslie and Ron Berry were LeRoy's parents, while Veronica and Damian Mathewson were Hiram's. Rachel had always thought it was clever how "LeRoy" was a combination of LeRoy's parents' names, yet it didn't sound cheesy or like an unrealistic name. "Ship names" weren't even a thing back when her dads had been born, so it amazed her how her grandparents had come up with the brilliantly smart idea.

"I'd rather not," Rachel confessed, biting down on her bottom lip.

Hiram released a sad sigh, and he walked closer to his eighteen year old daughter, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his embrace. "Everything's gonna be okay, Rachel. I promise."

She pulled away from his hug. "How?" she snapped. "How is everything ever going to be okay again? Tell me, dad! Tell me!" Hiram remained silent. "No, you can't. Because it's not going to be okay. Nothing is ever going to be okay again, and we both know that. So why are we pretending that it will?" Tears were welling up in her eyes, and Hiram was at a loss for what to say or do.

So instead, he nodded. "You're right," he agreed with her. "Nothing's ever going to be the same again, and nothing will ever truly be okay again. But we can get through it together, Rachel. All we have now is each other, and we need to stick together."

That wasn't entirely true, because Rachel had Quinn, but she nodded anyway. Hiram had been trying desperately hard to stay strong for her, and now she needed to do the same for him. "Okay," she agreed. "I'll come downstairs. But can you just give me a minute? Please?"

Hiram nodded. "Of course. You look really beautiful, by the way." He offered her a sad smile before disappearing out of her bedroom, pulling the door shut behind him once more.

Rachel reverted her eyes back to her reflection in the mirror, and she straightened the ends of her dress out one last time before taking a deep breath and heading out of her bedroom, making her way down the stairs and into the living room, where her family were all seated, each one dressed in black for the sad event.

Ashlynn Berry-Miles, LeRoy's six-year younger sister and Rachel's aunt was the first to notice Rachel standing in the doorway of the living room. "Rachel," she breathed out, making sad eye contact with her niece. Ashlynn's husband of eight years, Rachel's Uncle Isaac Miles, was going to be meeting Ashlynn at the church with Penelope Mathewson, Hiram's brother's wife.

"Hi, Aunt Ashlynn," Rachel tried to flash her aunt a nice smile, but her attempt was weak and everybody could see how broken and incredibly unhappy she was. Ashlynn got up and hugged her niece, and Rachel squeezed her eyes shut as she found herself hugging back tightly.

When Ashlynn finally broke the hug, she looked Rachel up and down. "You're still as beautiful as ever."

Rachel made another attempt at smiling, and this attempt went a little better than the last. "So are you."

Ashlynn smiled back at her before returning to her seat next to Leslie on the couch. From his seat on the opposite couch, next to his brother, Henry Mathewson beckoned Rachel over to him. So she walked over, and he placed his hands on her shoulders. "You're a beautiful girl, Rachel, and you look so pretty when you smile," he told her. "Keep smiling."

The fragile eighteen year old nodded. "I will," she promised.

"Oh, Rachel," Veronica cooed from her seat on the other side of her granddaughter's father. "I'm so happy to see you; I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances." She cradled her only grandchild in a warm, loving embrace, and Damian joined the hug, wrapping his arms around the both of them.

"You and your father are gonna get through this, Rachel, believe me," he said as the hug broke apart. "I lost my father when I was sixteen, so I know what this is like. But you have to stick together with your family, and help each other move on."

Rachel then moved on to the relatives she'd been dreading coming face to face with most — LeRoy's parents. She couldn't bare to see the heartache in their eyes, but she knew she had to talk to them. So she turned away from her other father's parents, and made her way back over to the other couch, where Leslie and Ron sat next to their daughter, Ashlynn.

"Grandma Leslie," she breathed out. "Grandpa Ron." Tears were filling her eyes again, and she swallowed down hard.

"You don't have to say anything," Leslie told her, shaking her head insistently. "You don't have to say anything at all."

"Come and give us a hug, Rachel," said Ron, pulling the grieving girl into the arms of himself and his wife. The three of them shared a long hug, until the taxi could be heard beeping outside.

The mourning family rose to their feet. "Well, I guess we'd better get moving," Hiram stated.

The time that everybody had been dreading, Rachel especially, had finally arrived, and nobody was ready for the next couple of hours or so.

* * *

When Rachel's family climbed out of the taxi outside of the church, Quinn was already waiting for her on a patch of grass nearby. She'd gotten there early especially so that she could be there when Rachel arrived.

Hiram saw her before Rachel did, and he nudged his daughter's arm gently. "Go see your girlfriend," he said to her.

Rachel followed his gaze until her eyes landed on the blonde, and she looked up at her father. "You're sure?"

"Go and see her," he said again. "We'll meet you inside." Rachel nodded, quickly thanking Hiram before slowly making her way over to her girlfriend.

When she was about halfway there, she paused to take a deep breath before continuing to walk. This was the first time she would be seeing Quinn since the death, and honestly, she was a lot more nervous than she thought she'd be. "Hey," she greeted her when she came to a stop a few inches in front of her.

Quinn gave her the kindest smile she possibly could. "Hi," she replied. "Are you okay?" The blonde suddenly realized what she'd asked. "Sorry, that was a stupid question."

Rachel shook her head. "No, no, it's okay," she insisted. "No, I'm not okay, but I'm trying to be. It's hard, but my family and I are gonna get through it together."

Tears pricked Quinn's eyes, really feeling for her girlfriend. She herself had loved LeRoy like a father, but the pain she felt over the situation couldn't even come close to comparing to the pain Rachel was feeling, and she knew that. "I'm glad to hear that," she smiled sadly. "Rachel, I hope you know that I will _always_ be here for you too. I know it's been a rough past few days for you — heck, rough is way too much of an understatement — but I don't want you to push me away. I love you, and I want to look after you."

Rachel nodded, with the smallest of smiles. "I know," she said. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I love you too, and I know how much you care for me, I just needed some space for a little while. This morning was the first time I'd spoken to my family, too."

"No, don't apologize," Quinn told her, suddenly feeling guilty. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I totally understand. I just wanted you to know that whenever the grief gets too much for you, or whenever you just want to talk, you can call me, or even come over to my house, and I'm gonna be there for you. I don't care if it's 4am, or 4pm, or whenever. I'll always pick up the phone, or open the door."

Rachel wanted to kiss Quinn's lips, but she knew that right here, right now wasn't the best time or place. So instead, she smiled again, and entwined their fingers. "You'll never know how much I appreciate and love you."

"I think I do, actually," Quinn beamed.

The brunette looked down at the small silver watch on her wrist. It had been a present from LeRoy when she was eleven, and she was so relieved that it was still able to work so well. "Come on, we'd better go inside."

So they walked hand in hand into the church, and Rachel took her seat in the left front row, next to Hiram. Quinn sat down directly behind her, and every now and again, Rachel turned around to look at her girlfriend, and they would make sadness-stricken eye contact.

"Let us commends LeRoy James Berry to the mercy of God," the priest spoke clearly to the funeral attendees.

* * *

Sometime later, the priest called out, "And now, we welcome LeRoy's daughter Rachel, who is going to sing a tribute to LeRoy for us all."

There was clapping as a teary-eyed Rachel rose from her seat after receiving a quick hug from Hiram, and made her way up to the front of her church. She made eye contact with Quinn as she stood up, and the blonde smiled encouragingly at her girlfriend, with her heart aching with proudness of the brunette.

"This was one of my father's favorite songs," she spoke to everybody gathered in the church, willing herself not to cry. She cleared her throat quietly as the intro played, before beginning to sing the first lyric of the song.

_I hate to see you cry_

_Lying there in that position_

_There's things you need to hear_

_So turn off your tears_

_And listen_

It didn't take long for wet tears to begin rolling down the cheeks of more than half of the people gathered in the church for the funeral service, but Rachel was still trying to hold hers back.

_Pain throws your heart to the ground_

_Love turns the whole thing around_

_No, it won't all go the way it should_

_But I know the heart of life is good_

Quinn watched her girlfriend in awe, with a fresh set of tears threatening to spill from her hazel-green eyes. Rachel was so strong, and Quinn admired her so much.

_You know, it's nothing new_

_Bad news never had good timing_

_Then, circle of your friends_

_Will defend the silver lining_

Rachel's voice had always been truly mesmerizing. It had always been enough to bring an entire audience to tears or to their feet or both, but now it felt especially touching.

_Pain throws your heart to the ground_

_Love turns the whole thing around_

_No, it won't all go the way it should_

_But I know the heart of life is good_

Her voice was beginning to become shaky and slightly stiff as Rachel did everything she could to hold her sobs in. When one hiccuped out, everybody felt for her. Most people had expected her to stop singing, but she carried on, determined to finish the song without totally breaking down before the end.

_Pain throws your heart to the ground_

_Love turns the whole thing around_

_Fear is a friend who's misunderstood_

_But I know the heart of life is good_

_I know it's good_

The entire church began to applaud as another strangled sob slipped out. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut, clearing the glassy chocolate brown orbs free of tears. "I love my dad," she spoke to the church full of people. "He has always been one of my best friends, and I will continue to love him with all of my heart until the day that I too die. He's always been such a great father to me. One of my earliest memories with him was when I was three years old. He took me to a park with a seesaw, a roundabout, a climbing frame, two sets of swings and a slide. I wanted to go on the climbing frame, but there was a large group of teenage boys sat on it, so I was too afraid." She paused to suck in some air through her teeth. "My dad, LeRoy, kindly explained to the boys that I was too afraid to use the climbing frame with them on it, and he politely asked them if they could move. They were surprisingly understanding, and they cleared off for me. Just that one little thing my dad did for me, I was so, so grateful to him, for many years afterwards, too."

Rachel held up her arm. "This watch on my wrist was a present that my dad bought for me when I was eleven. I still treasure it. I still treasure him. I love you, dad."

By now, Rachel was in a fit of tears and Hiram had to stand up and guide her back to her seat, where he let her cry into his shoulder. From her seat behind, Quinn reached forward and placed her hand on Rachel's shoulder, giving her a loving touch. Rachel didn't turn around, but Hiram did. He smiled at the blonde and mouthed, "Thank you," to her.

* * *

Two weeks had passed since the funeral, and Rachel had become a completely different person. She'd bought herself an entirely new wardrobe and makeup collection, and had begun buying alcohol and cigarettes from dealers she met up with in alleyways in the darkness of the night.

One night in late March, it was about midnight when she had snuck out of her house, Rachel — dressed in a black, cut out crop top, a skintight black miniskirt, black fishnet tights and black creepers with her eyelids lined in thick, black winged eyeliner and her lips painted a deep shade of red — sat on the floor alone in a dark, deserted alleyway with a bottle of booze in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. She was alternating between taking a swig from the bottle and a drag of a cigarette.

"What are you doing sitting out here on your own?"

Rachel turned her head to see a girl of a similar age standing a couple of feet away from her, with a lit cigarette between her fingers. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"My name's Emma, Emma Lamar," she replied. "But the better question is, who are _you_?"

Rachel scrunched her mouth up, silently debating where or not to reveal her identity. "I'm Rachel Berry," she answered, taking another drag of her cigarette. Emma continued to stand there, staring at her. "So, can I help you with something?"

"Why don't you come with me, Rachel?" Emma asked her. "That bottle's nearly empty and that cigarette's almost done, I can take you to a place with a great deal of alcohol and cigars for you."

The suggestion sounded intriguing, and when Rachel stood up, tossing her cigarette to the ground, Emma grinned. "I'll lead the way."


End file.
